Saturday, March 19, 2011

I am not sick. Its just a occasional intense pain in my chest. I lied to him. His name is Imran. We have been friends for quite some time now. I had a crush on him in my high school junior year. But we became friends in senior year and it seemed awkward so I let go of the thought of him as my boyfriend. Now high school is over, we are in different colleges and we don't get to see each other a lot. So I told him about my crush on him a few months back. He was okay with it. So I told him another thing.
In junior year, I had told him that there was a girl who was madly in love with him and that she wanted to be with him. He got excited and asked me who she was. "I've promised her I won't tell her name to you", I said. So he let go of it. So now I confessed to him that it was a lie, a made-up story for me to get a chance to talk to him. He was pissed and angry at me. He asked me for an explanation. I told him that since we weren't friends then, I needed something for him to talk to me about. He told me that it wasn't the right thing to do and that I had started a friendship with a lie. So I apologized and I told him that he was right. He accepted my apology and it was over. But now that high school is over, I started it all over again.
I started it all over again because I think I am in love with him yet again. I do have abnormal pain in my chest but I exaggerated  it. I told him that I was really sick and I told that I had fallen off the stairs due to the intensity of the pain. I told him the story of how I had a ECG done and how it turned out to be really bad. I told this just to get his attention. Now he is really worried about me. I got what I wanted with a lie.
To top that, I used his apprehensiveness to ask him that what would he have said if I had asked him to be with me. 
I am not sick. But may be I am sick person. I lied again.
P.s. I think I am desperate for a "real" relationship.

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