Saturday, March 19, 2011

I am not sick. Its just a occasional intense pain in my chest. I lied to him. His name is Imran. We have been friends for quite some time now. I had a crush on him in my high school junior year. But we became friends in senior year and it seemed awkward so I let go of the thought of him as my boyfriend. Now high school is over, we are in different colleges and we don't get to see each other a lot. So I told him about my crush on him a few months back. He was okay with it. So I told him another thing.
In junior year, I had told him that there was a girl who was madly in love with him and that she wanted to be with him. He got excited and asked me who she was. "I've promised her I won't tell her name to you", I said. So he let go of it. So now I confessed to him that it was a lie, a made-up story for me to get a chance to talk to him. He was pissed and angry at me. He asked me for an explanation. I told him that since we weren't friends then, I needed something for him to talk to me about. He told me that it wasn't the right thing to do and that I had started a friendship with a lie. So I apologized and I told him that he was right. He accepted my apology and it was over. But now that high school is over, I started it all over again.
I started it all over again because I think I am in love with him yet again. I do have abnormal pain in my chest but I exaggerated  it. I told him that I was really sick and I told that I had fallen off the stairs due to the intensity of the pain. I told him the story of how I had a ECG done and how it turned out to be really bad. I told this just to get his attention. Now he is really worried about me. I got what I wanted with a lie.
To top that, I used his apprehensiveness to ask him that what would he have said if I had asked him to be with me. 
I am not sick. But may be I am sick person. I lied again.
P.s. I think I am desperate for a "real" relationship.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

True Love's Kiss

Adil was in my high school. I had a crush on him. My friends used to say that his nose looks like a pig's nose but he was cute. And the rumor, that he wasn't a virgin, made him hot.
This one day I was on MSN when Fizza, my cousin, came online. I told her that I had done something but I regret doing it now. It was just bullshit. She randomly asked me if I had kissed a guy. I didn't reply. She went crazy and ordered me to answer her. So I said I had. She asked me how was it. I told her that it was amazing. We went on about it for another hour. I told her that I didn't really like him but he liked me. But when he kissed me, I kissed him back. I refused to tell her his name.
Then this one day, I texted her and told her I was lying about "it". She asked me about what. I didn't have the guts to tell her the truth so I told her that I'd lied about me not liking him. I told her that I had always liked her and he knew it so we kissed. Then I told her his name. Now she thinks I have kissed a guy. She is kind of proud of me.
I lied again.
And I have never been kissed.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Girlfriend? Friend? Ex-Girlfriend? Best Friend?

I had a crush on this guy in my school. A very good-looking guy. But I don't think I fell for his face, I fell for his cute smile. His name was Zain. When he got to know that I had a crush on him, he started talking to me on the internet.
In the beginning, it was nice but I felt shy. As days went by, we became friends. But I couldn't just be friends. I really liked him and I wanted more. So I told him that. He said he wasn't ready and wanted to be just-friends for the moment. I said okay and let go of it because I didn't want to lose him as a friend. And that was it. It was all good for us. But then I lied. First, I lied to my cousin, Fizza. I told her that I had a boyfriend but I had her promise me complete secrecy. But it got out and the rest of my cousins got to know. And before I knew it, people in my school were talking about me and Zain. I was helpless. I couldn't deny it to the people in my school because if I had denied it and Fizza had got to know that I did, I would have got caught lying. So I accepted it. Zain had no idea that the kids thought that Zain and I were going out. So I told him that I don't know why but people think that we are a thing and since I couldn't explain it to everyone so when people asked me about it, I didn't deny it. He was annoyed. He said he wanted his status to be single. I asked him what the big deal was and that eventually we would tell the kids that we had a breakup. He wasn't convinced but he agreed.  
After sometime, I tried again. I asked Zain if he would take me as his girlfriend. He said that we were such great friends now and he didn't want to ruin that, so no. I was mad at him and I made it clear to him. So he apologized and explained to me what we wanted. He didn't want me. He didn't say it, but the way he said it, I knew. I was broken. Totally, completely, entirely broken. So now I told the kids in my school and my cousins that we had a breakup.
But stupid me was still clung to him. And when he told me that he wanted to be friends again, I responded with a desperate yes. So we started talking again. And eventually we became best-friends. And people still think that we were once in a relationship when we never were.
I still can't tell him because he has a girlfriend now and I don't want to sound desperate. I don't want him to know that it was me who started the lie.
And btw I am still single.